Poor, Pathetic Rush

Rush Limbaugh is fat and a drug addict. But I digress. He’s pissed, ostensibly at John McCain. But really it’s all you idiots out there who refuse to listen to him when he issues his commands from on high (pun intended) on who to support. Along with Laura Ingraham and a plethora of others.

It’s a funny election this year. Republican and Democratic alike leaders are clearly nervous; the voters aren't listening to them either. Maybe that’s because for two decades now, they’ve thrust so many losers at us in presidential campaigns. Bush, Clinton, Mondale, Dole, take your pick. Oh, some good men, to be sure, but not really too much meat on them bones.

But anyway, back to Mr. Limbaugh. The anger he feels is the first stage of grief. Why grief? Because nobody is paying enough attention to him these days. His precious conservative movement has splintered like a toothpick and he’s busy running around trying to find the pieces and glue them back together. A word of advice, Rush—that’s an effort in futility. Mainly because Reagan’s dead, and no matter how many times people try to resurrect him, he ain’t a’coming back. I half expect conservatives to invoke some voodoo spell in desperation to raise him from the grave. That wouldn’t work, by the way. There wasn’t much left upstairs when he died, poor soul.

Fact is John McCain’s the best the Republicans have this year. The fact that he’s willing to work with the Democrats (heresy to conservatives that Congress should actually compromise—what a DIRTY word) really sticks in conservatives’ craws. A bit of a history lesson, Mr. Limbaugh, Ms. Ingraham—that’s how democracy works. Nobody gets everything they want, and all—that’s all—need to compromise in order to get business done. Or the country gets locked up in ideological debates whilst Rome burns. Like what’s been happening in Congress for the last decade. With the way the voting’s been going this year, it seems voters are finally fed up with the nonsense of ideology, by both conservative and liberals, and want things actually done instead of merely talked about.

And so, my dear pundits, you have been rendered irrelevant. Sadly, you just haven't gotten it yet. And so I urge you, accept the inevitable. Embrace your irrelevancy. President Bush has.